Social Networking Etiquette

Recently, the topic of social networking came up in an online group discussion. On 3/4/09 10:51 PM, (Karen Greenwald, M.Ed) I wrote:

Good topic! No matter if I am interacting with a social network in person or online, I treat social networking interactions in similar ways I would conduct an informational interview http://tinyurl.com/ahd3tq or writing a networking letter http://tinyurl.com/dcqqd8 First and foremost, I find ways to respect and defer to the other person's time, interests, and position. My initial engagement with others consist of introductions and comments around common interests, inquiries and solutions. Second, acknowledge the responses received in a positive manner...it offers feedback and promote positive perspective about yourself and the other person or group.

It cannot be expressed enough that the the entire idea of social networking is to connect with others “socially” and relate with people around a particular idea, social construct, or activity.

The Behavioral-Side of Social Networking
Social networking is a skill. It is learned behavior. To some people, it is innate; to most, it is a learned set of protocols which govern our interactions with others, i.e., etiquette. Our attitude and motivation to connect with others also facilitate and reflect our intentions about how and why we with the engage, exchange thoughts and feelings, about a particular person, place, or thing. To be successful at social networking, one must have the courage to initiate an exchange of ideas with the other person(s). Being tongue-tied and grasping for words is all part of the social networking experience. It is the quintessential “finding one's footing” in unknown territory.

On-line Social Networking Experiences
To have a successful social networking experience, the best advice is listen to the person or group's tone, content, the words used in posts, conversations, and absence or omissions of expression). Does the discussion include? Rant? Piggyback on another's comment? Might you offer feedback, a solution, a referral?

In-Living-Person Social Networking Experiences
The same truths apply to in person networking. Listen with your entire self to what people are and are not saying. Watch how people gesture, in/disclude others, invite comments, share space (physical, verbal, psychological).

Bring Your Social Network Home “To Center”
People love to be listened to. You can listen with you eyes, gestures, questions, silences, pauses, humorous inflections. By doing this, you allow others to show you a little of who they are with little risk. While this interactivity is in play, you simultaneously allow that person to enter your world and you allow them in and you bring them “to center” within yourself. This concept is used in meditation and yoga.

During social network connectivity, focus on the other person and what is being said (or omitted). Make a mental note about how people express their own ideas, thoughts, expressions. Ask yourself:

• Do I have anything in common with these people? If so, what? If not, how do I engage in their world?

• What can I learn about another person or about something new?

• What ideas or comments bring resonance with your own ideas?

• Do you see ways in which you can build a rapport?

Social networking requires the act of inclusion of another human being, at least, for that moment.

Job Seekers: Social Networking Which “Save Face”
Read this and weep: A social networking situation gone bad. A few years back, as Michigan's economy began to decline and technical writers became a commodity, I attended a conference where 80% of the attendees were unemployed. A few weeks later, I met an employer who had attended this conference and commented that she had been attacked by numerous job-seekers under the guise of social networking. She stated that it was the most dreadful experience she had ever encountered in her professional life as a in-house recruiter.

Rules of Social Networking Engagement
Practice using the golden-rule: treat others as you would like to be treated. When job seeking, it is poor decorum just to to look for people who will promote you and your cause. People are sensitive to this type of activity; be it conscience or not. Engaging yourself as the “main-event” can expedite your demise and render you bad name which is almost impossible to erase. People do not trust others' who only engage themselves.

Patience is essential when engaging within a social networks. While connectivity is the first step, patience gives others a change to “try you out” and “give you a test spin” so they know that you are worthy of their trust and confidence – and they feel comfortable inviting you into their world. All of this does take time – even within a moment of time!

Networking is a Process
But, I'm in a Hurry! I have to find a job! I have bills, my house is under water, my car payment is due!!!!! Your pain is felt deeply! Millions of Americans are right there with you! Yes, we do live in a nano-second world; however, people still require the essentials of connection such as: acknowledgement, interest, and engagement. Networking is a slow process. By following the process as outlined here you will walk a few more positive steps forward your goal of finding your next position.

Let's Review: Social Networking Etiquette Basics

1. Find a group, idea, career, activity, topic that you find meaningful and you can relate to and around.

2. Make connections with others by relating around a central idea, theme, activity, group, etc.

3. Always show respect (deference, an attitude of admiration or esteem); A courteous expression (by word or deed) of esteem or regardand interest in the other person by acknowledging them, their time, and their contribution to an idea, group discussion, post, whatever the case may be.

4. Using a phrase from former President Kenney's speech, “Ask NOT what others can do for you, but what YOU can do for others.”

Homework: Review posts that catch your attention. Review the posts with the most responses. Copy some of these ideas and make their your own.

Good luck! You will do great! Happy social networking!